Category: Current Events

Drunk driving laws increase drunk driving. Yeah, I said it.

If hit T.V. show Diff’rent Strokes could once have had a “very special” episode about bullies, consider this a “very special” episode of matthaiduk.com/blog.

I wake up in cold sweats from this silly web page. It’s not really the web page. It’s the thought of things I write here coming up at the hearings for my confirmation to the Supreme Court.  Somebody is bound to not read everything I write in a post and take it all out of context.  “Isn’t it true, Mr. Haiduk, that you are for crime?”  I suppose having to deal with that on my way to the Supreme Court is just the “chance” I take.  Besides, it’s not like I’ll have to answer questions about bad pornography and sexual harassment.



Regardless of what people might take out of context, I believe the law should not encourage the “evil” it is trying to eliminate.  My take, coincidentally, is not popular.  If it were, the drug laws would be different.  So would other laws. Like DUI.  In my world, DUI laws wouldn’t encourage impaired drivers to drive while impaired.

In your world (or, the “real” world, anyway) they do. In virtually every state.

I’m not nuts. No, I’m not.

Just hang with me for a minute.  Despite the strong “suggestions” of others in the legal profession (including the ABA), I try to keep this little slice of the digital world completely practical.  They want me to talk about “supreme court” precedent, stare decisis and other awesome latin sounding things.  I want to talk about brushing your hair before a mugshot, what to do when you’re being interrogated, and wearing incredible shirts.

For a brief minute, the “boring legal blog people” win.  I’m about to mention a case.  I apologize.  If hit T.V. show Diff’rent Strokes could once have had a “very special” episode about bullies, consider this a “very special” episode of matthaiduk.com/blog.  Hopefully it won’t happen again.

In 1989 a state trooper found a guy sleeping in a car on the shoulder of a frontage rode.  The guy was fast asleep in a sleeping bag, in the back seat of the car.  The keys were in the ignition but the car was not running.  The guy was drunk when the police showed up.  We’re not really sure if he was drunk before he stopped the car- he had been sleeping for several hours.  This all happened in a case called People v. Davis.

As far as the law is concerned, by the way, it doesn’t matter if he was stopped on the shoulder of the road, in the Wal-Mart parking lot, or even in the driveway of a party he never really left.  There are cases that cover all of those.

Now, ask yourself what you should do if you are on the road and it occurs to you that you may have had too much to drink?  Pull over and stop immediately, right?  Who doesn’t know that?  In my world, the defendant in the Davis case might get some sort of a ticket (parking, perhaps).  He shouldn’t get a DUI, though.  Sleeping was a better option than driving drunk.

In your world the court found that it was o.k. to charge him with DUI.  In the “real” world, pulling over and sleeping it off only prolongs the time you are outside of your house and subject to arrest for DUI.  For every minute you are sleeping in the back seat of your car, you are more likely to get arrested.  Does that encourage people to sleep, or keep driving in hopes of not getting seen?  I know, for sure, it doesn’t encourage people to stop immediately and sleep it off.

Did I just tell you to drive home drunk? Absolutely not.  I told you one way that the law may encourage that over absolute safety, though.  I can’t help but wonder why the law would ever do such a thing.

Maybe it’s because America doesn’t vote for anybody who isn’t “tough on crime” and “letting people off” of DUI isn’t tough enough?  Maybe it’s because there’s money to be made on arresting people (that bond fee is nothing, by the way… court costs alone for a single DUI can be in the thousands of dollars per case)?  Maybe, just maybe, it’s because we know that AAIM is watching and ranking the “top” DUI cops.  Maybe.  I don’t know.

What I do know is that the law should encourage drunk people to get off the road immediately.  It doesn’t.  That’s actually what keeps me up at night in a cold sweat.

Why George Zimmerman won’t just plead guilty and save us all some money.

What plea to enter and at what time you enter it can have as much of an effect on the outcome of the case as the underlying “truth” of your innocence/guilt.

I’m not ever really up-to-date on current affairs. I know you know this.  Usually I have to google “Nancy Grace” to find out what the masses deem important legal topics.  I have been keeping my eye on the Treyvon Martin thing, though.

Oddly enough it’s not a huge topic among the local criminal defense bar.  Probably because it’s not much of a surprise.  We see this stuff all the time, even if Al Sharpton doesn’t get involved.

Anyhow, “big” cases always draw a lot of attention to one of my favorite things in criminal law: the plea of not guilty.  Why do I love it so much?  For a few reasons.  First, a plea of not guilty in a “big” case really seems to upset the masses.  I love upsetting the masses.  Especially when it causes people to take a closer look at the criminal justice system.  Second, it’s fun to say.  Try dropping it into non-legal conversation any time somebody asks you if you did something and you’ll see what I mean.  “Hey, did you remember to take the garbage out?” “Not guilty.”

I find it amusing that people go nuts when somebody pleads not guilty at an arraignment in a big criminal case.  The media loves to use that in headlines.  Don’t believe me?  Watch what happens if George Zimmerman gets charged with killing Treyvon Martin.  He’ll enter an initial plea of not guilty and people will go nuts.  “How can he say he’s innocent!”  Or, “Why won’t he just plead guilty and stop wasting tax money.”

How could he say he’s not guilty?  I’ll tell you how. Because he can, that’s how.

He’s got a constitutional presumption that he is, in fact, not guilty.  Everybody charged with a crime does.  Don’t like that? Ok. Change the Constitution.  Until you’re willing to do that, things will keep moving along like they have since we booted the Brits out of the colonies and started governing ourselves.  That pesky Bill of Rights is always messing up our lives, isn’t it?

Forget how he can do that, why would he plead not guilty?  Everybody (including himself, of course) know’s he guilty, right?  Let’s pretend that’s true, for a minute.  If he’s my client, he’s still entering a plea of not guilty.

Why?  Because even when you want to enter a guilty plea, there is a time and a place for everything.  What plea to enter and at what time you enter it can have as much of an effect on the outcome of the case as the underlying “truth” of your innocence/guilt.

In my fictional situation, Zimmerman would be asked to enter a “formal” plea at one of the initial court dates.  Unless Florida works in a manner completely different than Illinois (which, I hope, it does), the Prosecutors will walk into that arraignment knowing all the details of the police investigation, having been informed of what all the witnesses (including Zimmerman) had to say, knowing what testimony and evidence the grand jury witnesses revealed, and knowing the details of their case from front-to-back.  On the other hand, Zimmerman’s lawyer will know what his client told him.  At that point in the case it’s like the two sides are playing poker, with the prosecutor having seen everybody’s cards and the defense knowing only half of his own cards.

In this business, information is everything. “Facts” are the cards.  Want to see a nervous lawyer?  Watch a one having to defend a trial in a case where there is no requirement that the lawyers exchange information beforehand.  In this game, as in life, knowledge is everything.  Just ask G.I. Joe and Kool Moe Dee .

What’s that got to do with George Zimmerman, Treyvon Martin and every person involved in any criminal case that ever got Nancy Grace’s guts in an uproar?  No attorney in their right mind is ever going to enter a plea of guilty until all of the information has been exchanged and “we” know what “they” know… because they might just be wrong about something.  It’s happened in the past.

It’s got nothing to do with guilt.

It’s got nothing to do with tax money.

It’s got everything to do with the Bill of Rights and knowledge of the case.

I don’t know if Zimmerman is going to get arrested and charged.  With every passing day it does look less likely.  I do know, though, that if he’s charged he’s going to enter an initial plea of not guilty.  I’d expect nothing less.

Rod Blagojevich’s hair is headed to prison.

Ah, Blago.  I thought you were already in prison.  Unfortunately it appears that you are not.  From what I am reading, though, it looks like you’re going to be all over the news again this week.  It seems you have to get the last word in (or, the last word before you’re really not going to be able to get any words in, anyway).  I hope they are good.

Unfortunately, I’m pretty sure I know what you’re going to say.  You haven’t said anything new in years.  It was all a big conspiracy to get you out of the way so they could raise taxes.  You told us!  Such a shame considering you were such a tax cutting machine when you were in office.  I mean, you may have avoided large tax increases on paper, but anybody who received a traffic ticket after you were elected saw how you dipped into their pockets.  Some people don’t think traffic court should really be looked at as a way to raise revenue for pet projects… thankfully you weren’t one of them.

Anyhow, Rodlicious, we both have a lot in common.  Aside from the fact that I didn’t get a hair cut from October until February (causing more than a few Blago Hair days), I’ve also been thinking about what you should say prior to disappearing (hopefully) from the public eye.

The problem is that I can’t come up with anything. I’m putting myself in your shoes and trying to think what some tv-watching guy like me might want to hear out of your mouth just before you went to prison.  I’m thinking that the fact that I can’t think of anything is a sign.  It’s a sign that you probably won’t be able to say anything that’s worth my mental energy to hear.

I’ve got an idea, Rod.  If you don’t say anything before heading into prison, I won’t say anything about you while you’re there.  Deal?  Sounds fair to me.  It won’t be easy for me to completely forget you (again), but I think I’m man enough to do it.  If your “last words” prior to getting caged up are some more of your political babble, that may just be how I remember you.  You don’t want that, Rod.  See, now, when your name comes up, my memory is forced to playback your election against Jim Ryan.  More notably, the most prevalent memory I have of you is Cal Skinner running all over the state with a two headed chicken named “JimRod” taunting both you and Jim Ryan.  That is good stuff, Rod.  Why would you want to tarnish that memory?

Cal Skinner's JimRod
Copyright Cal Skinner, mchenrycountyblog.com All rights reserved.

Anyhow, Mr. Blago, I know you’re not going to listen to me. I just wanted to share my feelings with you while you were a free man.  Once you get locked up I could only share my feelings by sending you a letter, and I’m not about to waste the cost of a stamp on you.

Why does pop culture hate me?

Probably because I hate it right back. I guess it’s a mutual thing.

It was about 6 weeks ago that I posted my brilliant, earth shattering, sure-to-be-pulitzer winning thoughts on what I’d like to see out of criminal law in 2012.  Right at the top of that list was Lindsay Lohan.  I’ve had enough of hearing about her troubles.  Like I said, give me more Jack Kervorkian!

Anyhow, somebody just emailed me to tell me that Lindsay Lohan will be hosting Saturday Night Live.  I suppose that I should be happy that it’s not really criminal law related.  For that, I’m trying not to be too bitter.  Unfortunately I won’t be able to watch the show that night. I’ve got to wax the floors in my office that night.

Dear Dog the Bounty Hunter

It appeared you were trying to get some poor girl killed.

Fear Dog's Mullet
http://0.tqn.com/d/menshair/1/0/7/2/-/-/duanechapman.jpg

 

Dear Mr. Dogthebountyhunter,

Last weekend I got a little bored and flipped on the T.V.  As I flipped through the channels I couldn’t help but become mesmerized by your mullet.  It sucked me in and I quickly put down the remote.   Despite my fascination with both your hair and your wife’s clown costumes, I was saddened when it appeared you were trying to get some poor girl killed.

If you aren’t sure what I’m talking about, Dog, it was the episode where it appeared that you were looking for a young lady who might have been using drugs while out on a bond you (or somebody) had posted.  In typical Dog fashion you and your crew “hunted” this girl down.  I was amazed at the creativity it took to find her- waiting around for her to walk by is not something most people would have the “smarts” to try.  Clearly your skills as an investigator have been well honed over the decades you have been doing this.

As these things tend to happen when experts like yourself are involved, you got your “man” (or, in this case, a young, non-threatening, non-violent, non-fleeing, lady).  Congrats on a job well done!  I was worried this one might not turn out well for your crew.  We are all behind you!

Anyhow, Dog, things turned a little weird after that.  See, Dog, I was assuming you were trying to pick her up on a bond violation and going to turn her into the “authorities”.  And, when I say “authorities” what I mean is “real” cops… or jail guards.  You know, folks who have been sworn to actually uphold the law, follow standardized procedures, and keep people safe (even if those people are on bail while using drugs… they’re still people, Dog).  Thankfully you used your best “Dog” judgment and, instead, drove her around town trying to find her drug dealer.

I get what you’re doing.  With you as a the puppet-master, It seems only obvious that this low-level junkie could eradicate the drug trade by confronting her dealer.  Busting a user and forcing her (while restrained) to take you back to her dealer is a genius move.  I’m pretty sure that that’s the same technique that got Tony Montana in Scarface.  I wonder if the FBI has thought of this?

Now, Dog, I’m not nearly as good at these things as you are.  I’m a little worried, though.  See, Dog, in my job I also deal with a lot of drug users.  Drug dealers, too.   It seems we have a lot in common.  Although, my mullet isn’t as sweet as yours. I will work on it.

Knowing what I know from working with the people I work with, the last thing I would do is hog-tie a user, force them to show me who their dealer is and where he hangs out.  I take that back.  The last thing I would do is force them to do that while the T.V. cameras and light are rolling… and then show up at the dealer’s “hangout” with the cameras and lights in-tow.

See, Dog, drug dealers don’t like that stuff.  I would be worried- really worried– that at some point the lights and cameras would be off.  I wouldn’t be around.  My little user friend will have been released from jail.  Even though her life would have been cured (the episode did show a member of your crew engaged in a touching, heart-to-heart “talk” with the girl), the dealer might not have forgotten the whole incident.  He might even hold a grudge.

Dog, I’m worried that the dealer from your show might plan to do that girl harm.  Maybe even kill her.  Drug dealers are known to do that sort of illegal stuff.  Have you seen that poor girl lately?  Do you ever have trouble sleeping at night?  If I didn’t know where that girl was, I would.

I’ve got to be honest, Dog, I’m not a fan of your show.  You’ve made millions of dollars by shining lights and tv cameras on people at the worst moments of their lives.  You’re a felon.  Your daughter was just arrested (again). You should know a bounty hunter’s job is to pick people up on the streets, drop them off at the jail.  You are not a one-man war on drugs.  You shouldn’t put people in harm’s way to boost your ratings.

Next time your wife is asking you to make sure the feathers in your mullet match her tube-top (so that you guys can look good on TV), please consider actually trying to help some of these people.  And, by “help” I mean that you might consider just arresting them and taking them to the jail.  All that other garbage you do is just going to get somebody killed.

With Love,

Matt Haiduk