“Most of my heroes don’t appear on no stamps.”

If life were Star Wars, Hofmann would be Han Solo

Every once in a while things keep popping up in my life.  I don’t know if it’s for a reason, or not.  All I know is that I don’t like things I can’t get away from.

Over the weekend I decided to hop into the “way back machine” and put the music player on “random.”  On came Public Enemy’s once-popular song “Fight the Power.”  Man, I love that song.

The line from that song that stuck out in my head for more than 20 years is, of course, “Most of my heroes don’t appear on no stamps.”  Not for the grammar, though. Probably not for any reason more significant than the way it’s delivered in that song.  It’s still pretty cool.

So, I attack google to see what P.E. has been up to.   I knew they’d released another CD this summer, but it hadn’t clicked with me that it was titled “Most of My Heroes Still Don’t Appear on No Stamps.”  This got me to thinking.  What was once just a catchy little line is now starting to make a little sense.  I mean, when I was in High School, I probably hadn’t been alive long enough to have heroes who should be on stamps.  Now I’m a little bit older.

High School was over 20 years ago.  What about all that time having passed?  Has the Post Office put my heroes on stamps now?  Clearly they hadn’t put most of Public Enemy’s heroes on stamps in that time… or the new CD would have a different title.

Sledge Hammer image
Trust me, I know what I’m doing.

So, I search.  Mario Andretti stamp? No.  Bryan Marchment?  No.  Sledge Hammer?  Absolutely not.  Every defense attorney who ever helped keep the government off my back… Gerry Spence, Ron Kuby or Clarence Darrow?  Not a chance.  Walter Payton? No.  Well, yes, actually, but that’s only one of my heroes and still not most of my heroes.

How do I start getting some proper stamps pressed out?

Then it gets weird.  I look at my twitter thing, and the NW Herald wants to hear about heroes.  They want to hear about my heroes.  That’s “hero” for the third time in a couple days. Maybe things do keep popping up for a reason.

This seems to be just the opportunity I need to get my heroes some recognition, right?

Boom.  I’m on it.  There’s a catch, though.  They want “everyday heroes” who live and work in McHenry County.  Andretti, Marchment, Hammer and Payton are out.  The defense attorneys?  Well, they are probably the most worthy, anyway.  It’s just going to have to be somebody local, and not somebody famous.  Maybe somebody who is local who should be famous?

There are a bunch of guys who regularly work in McHenry County who I could have nominated.  I chose Dan Hofmann, though.  Why?  For a couple of reasons.  Mostly I know how hard he works, I know how much he loves this stuff, and he just won that huge case in Rockford.  Plus, if the Herald bothers to call him, I know he’ll be direct, honest, and fun.  Who doesn’t like that?

I also know that there are  bunch of people who will step up and tell the Herald how much better their lives are because of Dan.

 

Here’s what my submission looked like:

Hofmann is a freedom fighter. Like to print what you want? Like your ability to walk down the street whenever you want, however you want? Like it that the government can’t bust down your door for no reason? Thank Hofmann.

There are hundreds, if not thousands of people who directly owe their freedom to Dan. There are thousands, if not millions more who indirectly owe their ability to be free from restriction to Dan.  Will it help Dan’s cause if I have some of them contact you?

If life were Star Wars, Hofmann would be Han Solo. Know who blows up the Death Star without Han Solo? Nobody… that’s who. Watch the movies again if you don’t believe me (but not the most recent 3, because they were lame).  He may not fly a spaceship, but he still fights the rebel cause.

I know you think I’m joking. I’m not.  The fact that the NW Herald is what it is… the fact that Gus Philpot is what he is… that’s just not because “America is free”.  That’s because America is supposed to be free, and Dan Hofmann is out there every day acting like a “check” on the government when it tries to make America less free.

I love my freedom.  Do you love yours?  I know that you do.  You know who else loves your freedom? Dan does.  He’s an everyday hero.

I don’t see how Dan can’t be one of their “everyday heroes” after that.  So, now I can listen to Public Enemy without the burden of knowing I’ve never done anything to get anybody on any stamps.  I know the local paper isn’t exactly a stamp, but at least I took a little step towards getting somebody recognized for something.  I’ll let you know how that turns out.

Ah, the joys of becoming a lawyer.

If you spend your days trying to convince a prosecutor that not every charge of battery is a “big deal” you better not be a hypocrite if it happens to you.

That post last week forced me to think about some things.  Not very important things, though.  I thought about the pending Mayan Zombie apocalypse.  I thought about that new Sargento “off the block” shredded cheese (I mean, if it hasn’t always been shredded from the block, what did they shred it from?).  And, I thought more about those new lawyers that are popping up all over Kane and McHenry Counties.

Those poor, poor, poor kids.

One of them recently told me that public defender jobs were highly sought-after by new graduates.  I found this to be funny.  I still think it’s funny.

Hardly anybody goes into law school dreaming of working for the public defender’s office.  When you go to law school, it’s all about rainbows, unicorns, saving the world, and fun, happy things.  I’d say this video sums it up nicely. Awww.  How cute.

Oddly, when I graduated law school, I was the only student in my class I knew of who actively tried to get a public defender job.  When the economy was good and law firms were giving away money, public defender jobs weren’t exactly considered prestigious.  Nevertheless, when you have that criminal defense attorney thing inside you, it’s not all about the money. You go where that thing takes you.

I applied to 4 public defender offices, got interviews with 3 and job offers from two.  That’s not exactly because I graduated at the top of my class, either.  At that time, law school admissions were way down, lawyer salaries were up and nobody wanted to take a low-paying job “working with criminals”.  The one place I interviewed that didn’t give me an offer was the Federal Defender, and I don’t believe I was even licensed to practice in that jurisdiction at the time.

Of course, Kane County was the one office that never got back to me. It’s ok.  I mean, just because I was raised here, graduated from High School here, and went to college nearby doesn’t mean it’s where I wanted to work.  I’m over it. Maybe.

Anyway, I’m betting kids still don’t go into law school dreaming of working for the public defender.  I’d venture to say that the majority of them are making it a “hot” field because of the job security and the economy.  I bet their love for the defense of the indigent forms somewhere in their second year… when the idea of having to pay back student loans gets a little more real.

Those people have no idea what they’re in for.

There aren’t many jobs where you just might get punched in the face on any given morning.  There are fewer where you might get punched and you’re expected to brush it off.  They don’t teach boxing in law school, but they probably should for anybody talking about a career with the public defender.

Everybody in this profession for any length of time knows somebody who has been attacked by their client.  It happens in every county.  It happened not long ago in Kane County.  It’s almost always a defendant in custody.  It happened to me in 2002 in the lockup outside one of the McHenry County Courtrooms… although the guy never got to make physical contact.

You can tell the lawyer in that video isn’t just a public defender for the steady paycheck and job security.  He is a “defense attorney” to the core- he didn’t take it personally, and he’s not really wanting to get caught up as a witness in a criminal case.  This is the reaction a criminal lawyer would expect to see from one of his colleagues.  It may not be right, but it is what it is.  If you spend your days trying to convince a prosecutor that not every charge of battery is a “big deal” you better not be a hypocrite if it happens to you.

I know all you new, fresh lawyers (and about-to-be-lawyers) entered law school with dreams of doing the world good.  You were going to save the whales, preserve the rain forests, or stop the spread of communism.  You were going to do big things and play sold-out shows in large Colosseums.  And now?  Now you’re just hoping to play those sad, old songs in front of a handful of friends and family.

How bad do you really want that public defender job, though?  Are you sure this is what you want to do?  Are you willing to take a punch?

 

This is your warning

Anybody who knows anything about going to court for people with DUIs know’s it’s about to get busy.  From, say, the day before Thanksgiving until shortly after the new-year, it’s prime “DUI season.”  We know this.  So do the police.

Did I hear somebody say “road block”?  Of course I did.  You should have expected this was coming.  Looks like the St. Charles police are some of the first to publish notice (the police have to issue a public notice before conducting these things).  According to this article in the Kane County Chronicle:

 

ST. CHARLES – City police will be out in force through Nov. 25 conducting DUI and seat belt enforcement in conjunction with the state’s “Click It or Ticket” and “Drive Sober or Get Pulled Over” campaigns.

The Department of Transportation Sustained Traffic Enforcement Program aims to reduce the incidence of motor vehicle crashes and the resulting injuries and fatalities through increased enforcement of occupant restraint, impaired driving, speed and pedestrian safety.

Last year in Illinois, eight people died in vehicle traffic crashes during the Thanksgiving holiday period, and four of those deaths involved a drunken driver. Additionally, more than 800 individuals were injured.

In St. Charles, officers made four driving under the influence arrests and issued 40 citations for other traffic violations.

According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, seat belt use is the most effective way to protect people and reduce fatalities in motor vehicle crashes. Research has shown that when lap and shoulder belts are used properly, the risk of fatal injury to front seat passengers is reduced by 45 percent, and the risk of moderate to serious injury is reduced by 50 percent.

 

Want to know how to beat a DUI?  Your best bet is to not get one to start.  Be safe out there, people.

Tips for the new lawyers: Law school was a waste of your time.

Once we told the entire story, guess what happened?  NG. Not Guilty.  Give us back our bond money, because we’re going home and not coming back… except for an expungement.

I love this time of year.  Early November is “new lawyer” time.  The kids that graduated in the spring and took the bar over the summer get officially licensed to practice in early November.  So, they start popping up in court.  And, you know who can spot a new lawyer in a foreign courtroom from miles away?  Everybody.  That’s who.

New lawyer
Image from http://www.bitterlawyer.com/old-lawyer-perceives-new-lawyer/

Why?  Many of them look like a fish out of water.  After 3 years of law school they walk into the courtroom not sure where to stand, how to check in a case, or which of the other 30 people wearing suits are the prosecutors.  It’s not their fault.  I’m sure I looked that way, too. So would you.

I’m not picking on these poor plebes.  I’m picking on the schools that trained them.  You spend 3 years of learning theoretical, mostly useless legal principals for a variety of subjects you’ll never need to worry about again.  Then you walk into traffic court, and don’t know how to fill out an appearance (the very simple document announcing to the court that you are the attorney on a case) because none of your Harvard-educated instructors mentioned that as they were teaching you about strict per stirpes.

Anybody know if medical school works like that? Three years of book learnin’ and then you’re turned loose to press scalpel to flesh on your first victim?

Don’t get me wrong. I love the theoretical.  I wasted 4.5 years of college on a Philosophy degree.  I could sit around all day and read the law.  Hell, last night I tormented a poor girl with a Bill of Rights quiz at a football game.

Facts win most cases, though.  Not legal concepts.  Knowing the facts inside and out wins cases.  Busting your ass to find the facts that aren’t served to you on a silver platter wins more cases.  Even though they should, law schools don’t train you to be Magnum P.I.

I posted something a few weeks back about a jury trial I did in Rockford.  It was fairly big news there and made all the TV stations.  I was the “second chair” in that.  In plain terms, the “second chair” is the wing man.  It’s the most fun role to have: You have to do little of the pre-trial work and less of the in-trial work.  It’s all the fun, a fraction of the work, and typically very little of the blame if things go wrong.

The head honcho on that case was a good friend and incredible lawyer: Dan Hoffman.

I love working with Dan.  Way back when I was just a freshling lawyer, he was the first guy in court I saw not “acting like a lawyer.”  When he talked to the judge he didn’t have the same plastic facade that many other lawyers seem to put up.  I’m not good at being “not-me” so it was liberating to watch.

He’s also diligent about not letting the prosecutors control what the case is “about.”  He just keeps investigating the facts until there’s nothing left to do.  At trial, he doesn’t just respond to what the prosecutors put on, he presents an entire case of his own.

He can do that because he gets his hands dirty. Literally.  Like, if he has to meet a witness in her barn while she’s birthing goats, he’ll be there (related sidenote: goat afterbirth stuff sitting in a barn is not something you can really mentally prepare for if you haven’t seen it… it’s also an image that you’ll probably never get out of your mind).  Dan’s trials often have him calling twice (or more) as many witnesses as the prosecutors put on… because he went out and found them.  He works his tail off.  He is Magnum P.I.

And that brings us back to Rockford.

Leading up to this case, Dan would call me every couple of weeks. Each time we’d talk about new witnesses he’d uncovered or new documents he got from a subpoena.  Each step of the way the case was looking better for us.  Each step of the way I had to ask if he thought the State was really going to force this case to trial.  He asked them to drop it.  They wouldn’t.

Then came trial.  The State did what they always do:  they put on a few of the witnesses mentioned in the police reports (some of whom said things they weren’t prepared for).  They put on the video.  Then they put on a paid expert to attempt to explain to the judge why the video he was watching wasn’t really what it looked like.  Then they rested their case.

Of course, none of the reporters in court that day could stay past the lunch break. So they all made it sound like we were screwed.  Crazy things happen when you don’t watch all the testimony, I guess.

When it was our turn to put on witnesses we called all sort of folks.  People mentioned in the police reports.  An expert.  Most importantly, people who witnessed stuff that wasn’t in the police report.  People the prosecutors didn’t bother to call as witnesses.  People the prosecutors didn’t even bother to talk to.  People Dan found.

Once we told the entire story, guess what happened?  NG. Not Guilty.  Give us back our bond money, because we’re going home and not coming back… except for an expungement.

How do I know we’re not coming back?  Well, let’s just say I don’t think we’re welcome anymore.  On the way out of the courtroom, one of the news stations asked Dan about the case.  He said what is absolutely true in cases like this.  He said something very few lawyers would have the stones to say.  He put the blame for the entire case squarely on the shoulders of the head county prosecutor, and he wasn’t shy in telling the reporters that the State’s Attorney’s office didn’t exactly work hard to uncover the entire truth:

So, what’s that have to do with law school? It’s simple: we didn’t win this one because of any legal principal or abstract concept of law.  We didn’t win this because we were better at laying a “foundation” or any other technical trial skill.

We won the trial because Dan out-worked, out-hustled, and out-investigated the entire executive branch of Winnebago County government.  By himself.  The midwestern work-ethic isn’t something law school teaches. It is something law schools need to build on when it comes to what really matters, though.

There are a lot of fresh faces popping up in court this time of year.  They have brains crammed with abstract legal concepts that make for great debate over a latte at Starbucks, but won’t necessarily lead them to a barn with bloody goat bits.  They’ve learned to talk the “lawyer’s language” and “act like a lawyer.”  Law school has done us all a dis-service.

Watching Dan and a few other successful lawyers in court for years makes it clear that the best attribute a trial attorney can have is the will to prepare, investigate, and pursue every potential fact or witness in a case… and don’t stop right up until trial no matter where it takes you.  The best skill a criminal trial attorney can have is to be able to talk like a normal person to normal people- because that’s what your witnesses and jurors are going to be.

Law schools really don’t teach that stuff.